Listen

I'm not in the mood to talk. I just want to listen to someone. I want to hear someone talk to me about something that has absolutely nothing to do with me. I want to know about someone else's life so I will stop thinking about mine.

I really don't want to blog right now, but I am. I don't know why though because I don't have anything positive to say. I guess I just can't think of anything better to do.

I know I'm happy here and it's the right place to be, but it's not easy. I wouldn't say that I have any real friends yet. I'm just not a naturally outgoing person I guess. It just isn't that great. When people are always like, "Just be yourself!"

I can't help to think, "This is myself. It's not me to just be outgoing. I can't just act crazy when I don't know anyone. I can't have fun when I don't have friends to have fun with."

It's like a curse. I can't have fun if I'm not with friends. I don't meet new people if I'm not with friends. And here I am, in college, without any of my friends. I try to push myself and talk to  people but it's not in my nature. I can't get friends until I have friends. Yeah it's like that.

I just want to go home. I want to talk to my friends. By talk I mean go to the lawn with a blanket and listen to their love stories without having to say a thing. I just want to listen.

Sorry this post is so boring and depressing and crap. I normally make it a rule to not blog when I'm not happy to prevent this. But I had to do something, and I trust that no one is reading this. and if per chance someone was reading this they wouldn't ask me more about it. Because I don't want to talk.