Change of plans

Happy Groundhog's day!! How cool are we? We sit and watch a groundhog run from his shadow and let that determine whether we wear winter coats for 6 more weeks or not. When in reality, we live in Utah and winter will be here for 3 more months...

Anywho, I wasn't really writing this post because I love Groundhog's day..

Which I just remembered is also Brooke's birthday.

Happy Birthday Brooke!!!

I love you girl!

Happy 18th!

Oh my gosh! She's 18?

That can't be right...

But she is! She's an adult now!!

Have a great day Brooke, you are spectacular!

Anyways, sorry about that.. I really did just remember that.

I was going to actually share what my plans are right now, to a certain extent.

I'm expecting this post will be kinda long because I want to share so many great stories.

But I'll try to stay focused right now.

You guys might not know this, but as of the last few years of my life I have decided to serve a mission.

I then found out that I can serve as soon as April! Which is really great news! How awesome that so many other girls are going on missions now too!

Here's the thing though...

Ok you all should know that I'm in a relationship. A great one! One I didn't see coming! One I didn't want to be in. One I don't want to end.

Emily and I would talk about missions and she never admitted that she wanted to go but I had a feeling that she would always go on one. Anyways, we always talked about how I was going on one and she asked me what would happen if I fell in love first.

HA!

Ok what guy is going to fall in love with me before I leave on a mission?

I mean really?

Not going to happen. But I was a little scared that that might happen to be honest. Until the age change I figured that might possibly change my plans.

So I told her that I'd probably get married if something so strange as that did happen, but I'm not planning on it. All I knew was that I was told to prepare for one and accept what God wants for me because he does know best. I hoped that God wouldn't actually face me with that decision.

So I wound up at Snow and everyone, including me, joked that it's because I'm going to meet the love of my life here.

Then I found out that Snow is a mini BYU. As in, most people choose to come here so they can get married.

What?

Haha. Very funny. That's NOT why I came.

And I was fine, I was preparing for a mission, especially after the announcement.

I mean I still dated and stuff.

Clearly.

But I've never been in a relationship so I counted on my awkwardness to keep me single until summer when I planned to serve.

There was no way a boy was going to come into this picture at this time. 

And then there was Sean.

All he did was say hi to me in the library when I interrupted his conversation with "Jose", who was one of the few people I knew. Yeah, Jose was the reason I met Sean. Let's all laugh about it.

Ok that's enough.

If we're going to be completely honest I didn't think I'd ever see him again.

Although my mind did randomly turn to the thought, 

"I could end up marrying this guy."

And I was like,

 "What? Where the heck did that come from?!?!"

Literally, that was one of the strangest experiences. Especially since I didn't think much of him when I first saw him.

I mean he was dealing with some girl drama and I was like, 

"Oh he's one of those boys..."

So I thought I was never going to talk to him in the future.

Although he was fun to talk to..

So I would talk to them in the library as we studied for the upcoming quiz in our Anatomy class that was down the hall.

We would laugh and talk and joke and bicker and pretty soon I found myself coming to the library earlier and earlier to "study" for the quiz.

I tried really really hard to not fall for him. 

As soon as I realized that I was starting to have feelings for him I came up with a plan.

  I was going to friend-zone him.

Something I haven't ever intentionally done before.

The problem is that he's literally perfect for me. It's like he was made for me and I was made for him.

Needless to say, my plan failed miserably.

Especially since everyone in our class seemed to want us to be together, especially "Jose".

I don't know when I decided that I could like him, it was somewhere around his birthday.

I remember walking into class that day and saying "Hey, Happy Birthday!" as nonchalantly as  girl could  possibly say to the guy she likes when she doesn't want him to know that she likes him.

Good times.

Over the next week and a half we talked and joked a lot. He would walk me home, come see me at the library just to have me listen to a song, message me on Facebook, and he even got my number.

(Thanks to my sly ninja skills at getting boys to put my number in their phones.)

The next Sunday was a fast Sunday. I thought, what should I fast for.

My first thought was,

"Fast to see if you should keep going in this direction with Sean."

then my mind countered,

"Where did that even come from? I shouldn't be fasting for a boy. That's ridiculous, I need to stop allowing myself to give ideas. I'll just fast for thanks, since everything has been so perfect lately."

Hmm... I wonder why!

So that's what I decided to fast for.. In my head.

I'm pretty sure my heart decided to go with my first impulse.

As much as I tried to deny it,

I was fasting to see where I should go with him.

And the funny thing is... I got my answer.

3 times.

I'm not even kidding.

I felt that I needed to tell him how I felt. One of the hardest and best things I've ever done.

I told him I had something to say to him, but I wanted to say it in person.

We walked and talked for 3 hours.

No, I am not kidding. I was so scared that I changed the topic every time I got close to admitting that I liked him.

3 freaking hours!!

And he didn't get impatient at all.

It wasn't even cute though. I blurted it out when my 20 seconds of courage finally came.

He knew.

I knew he knew.

It still wasn't easy for me to say.

But I managed to spit out,

"I think I like you."

without a breath in between it was followed with,

"Oh my gosh, did I really just say that?"

I'm not sure, but I think he laughed at that.

Then he pulled me into a hug.

And he told me,

"I think I like you too."

We then talked for another hour and he told me a lot.

He told me things about himself that I know were harder to say than my simple "I think I like you".

But he was completely honest with me.

He has always been honest with me. Which is really amazing.

I really think he's amazing. He doesn't see how incredible he is. He has no idea how much I love him.

I really do love him.

I've prayed a lot and read my scriptures more than ever lately. And you know what?

I've decided to not go on a mission. I want to stay here.

I want to be with him.

Yeah, it's hard for me to come out and say these things but I've been feeling this way for a while. I don't normally share with people when things like this are involved. I guess I don't like announcing that I have a boyfriend. and it's definitely weird telling people that I'm not going on a mission when so many other girls have just barely hopped on the MTC train after the last general conference.

But I'm not going, and I sincerely feel closer to God than ever.

I don't feel any regret for choosing not to go, even though it was a hard decision to make.

I really couldn't be happier.

So to all of those Sisters who just barely decided to leave.

Make sure this really is the right thing for you. God made it a commandment for men, and not for women. But if you have prayed about it and you know it's the right thing to do, I'll be cheering for you. Thanks for taking my place in the field. Go and do.

For those who feel like that might not be right for them.

That's ok. Being a missionary doesn't mean that you're above girls who aren't serving. You don't need to go on a mission to find the man of your dreams. Do what you feel is right. Don't feel pressured to go because all of your friends are going.

I don't know why I feel obligated to share that advice but now it's out there.

As is my news.

I'll try to keep my love life updated.

I mean it's kinda the best thing ever right now.

Have a good day my loves.