Absence..

Warning!! This post may contain cheese ball stories and feelings. Viewer discretion is advised.

Background...

I'm in Springville, my best friend/fiance/love Sean is in Wendover.

ALL SUMMER.

That's about 2 and a half hours away if I drive fast.

:(

Ummmmmmmmmm yeah, this sucks.

I got to go see him this weekend though.

Which was great!! It was perfect! I loved it! I'm so glad I went!!

Whoever said "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" 

seriously knew a thing or two about love.

I guess seeing him makes me realize how much I miss seeing him every day.

I went up Friday and stayed for Saturday to take some engagement pictures.

I just loved it all. I don't even care that I had to get up at 5 am to be ready for pictures at sunrise which is at 6:05. To be quite honest I think if I could wake up and see him every morning I'd wake up early. That's saying something because I thoroughly hate mornings.

So we just spent the day together, mostly sleeping on the reclining couch holding hands to recover from our lack of sleep the night before.

At one point we were cuddling in our sleep and I woke up with one of his arms around me and the other holding onto my arm to keep it around him. Try to picture that in a cute way because it might sound like awkward positioning..

Well I woke up and started to change positions when he tightened his clasp on my arm and pulled me in closer. Let's keep in mind that he's completely asleep when he does this. That probably doesn't sound like much to you, but to me it felt like I'd never have to leave him, it showed me how much he really does care.. even in his sleep.

My heartstrings did get tugged a little right then, not gonna lie.

Then after we had changed positions enough I was able to get up. I was pretty much awake and not wanting to sleep more. Since it was late afternoon I figured I should pack my stuff even though I wouldn't have to leaver for another few hours. So I put everything in my little overnight bag and zipped it up.

I guess the zipper woke Sean up because he moved around before softly saying,

 "Come back. Don't leave me."

I think I'm on with staying by him after that. I didn't want to leave his side. Which I guess made the next part of the day so hard.

Finally the time had come where I had to go home. I wish I could have lingered a few more hours.. but his mom wasn't wanting me driving alone in the dark on the big empty road. 

It's not like I've never had to leave him before though. We have said goodbye so many times before. Naturally I never want to say goodbye but this time was harder than ever before.

I must be hormonal or something because when we even mentioned me leaving I had to swallow to keep all the water in my body from forming tears. I guess Sean could tell because he kept telling me that it killed him to see me that way and I needed to cheer up. And I did..... Until I actually had to go.

You know in those romances how the couple always has that long teary goodbye? And if you're not into the movie and crying with them you generally think, "Get a grip! You'll be fine. It's not like you'll never see each other again!"

I finally fully understand how hard that really is. It's not just like saying goodbye to your best girl friend and missing them a little. It's an actual  ache that you feel. Your heart stops beating, and you wonder if you left it with him because the whole drive home you swear you don't have a pulse. Time moves fast for the next few hours only because you're in pause waiting for your next heartbeat.

All emotional control has been withdrawn at this point. I don't think I've ever held him so close for so long before this. I couldn't get myself to let him go.

Ok yes, I am aware that I'll only be 3 hours away. Yes, I am aware that we're getting married in 7 weeks.

It really doesn't make it easier though. And looking up to see that he was in just as much pain as me made me lose it. Despite his efforts in holding me together I fell apart.

"Please don't cry, we'll be okay."

Well that's easier said than done, my friends....